Community Film Calendar

A vanity project for writer/director/star/dud George Pan-Andreas, a middle-aged, very Greek TV actor with delusions of marketability. The opening credits provide an immediate overdose of entertainment, as a naked marble sculpture fires lasers out of its eyes at images of crumbling coliseums. Once the story of hard-hitting lawman Zeus (guess who) kicks in, it’s a rollicking, unintentional parody of ‘80s cop dramas, with dying partners, blustery chiefs, revoked badges, silk-suited crime lords and every other component one could conceivably swipe from the assembly block. To Pan-Andreas’ credit, the ESL-level dialogue is subtly unique: “How did you earn your living? Walking down Fag Lane?” Women play topless tennis, turbaned oil sheiks call each other “comrade” in Russian accents, and top-ranking underworld officials perform kung fu torture on their own gardeners. Then things get REALLY wild. We give a sincere salute to the penniless Hollywood producers who gave would-be auteur Pan-Andreas the chance to buy his way into straight-to-video obscurity. Take a walk down Fag Lane with the Video Hate Squad for our most memorable screening yet!!! (Zack)